Some statistic somewhere is stating that half of all marriages in the U.S. are ending in divorce. This is apparently true of people both in and out of a church membership. So is this at least leaving half the marriages as a success story? I don't think we can assume that all the couples that end up staying together are living happily-ever-after either. So why is the marriage relationship seem such a natural union but at the same time seem so tough and unnatural on our emotions? What's God's plan for marriage?
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Gen 2:24).
The Bible teaches that God puts great importance on marriage. Divorce is one of the few things God hates! (Malachi 2:16). I'm becoming more and more convinced that God might want us to put our marriage relationship even before our relationship with Him. I'm sure that opinion will stir some controversy, but let me try and explain myself and let me assure everyone that I'm not claiming this as Biblical fact, just my opinion.
I'm going to speak from experience first. You cannot read to much into my Blog without realizing I'm one of those "Jesus freaks." But I'm fortunate, in a way, to have lived a large part of my life as a "Greg freak" also. In otherwords, I loved me some Greg before Christ entered my life. So I'm pretty aware of the Christian and the non-Christian perception of marriage. The Christian side of marriage is easier, but still not automatic either. It's this Christian view of our relationship that made me realize God wants the marriage to be first over all (this statement does not apply at all to single people, their first priority should be to God). I enjoy church, Sunday school, and group Bible studies. But I find when Angela and I are in a fight, those places are almost the last place I want to be! If we are fighting on Tuesday, I start thinking about how Sunday morning is going to feel at church, because I know if we are not "one", then worship will seem fake. It is like God is telling me that if Angela and I are apart emotionally, then "our" heart required for worshiping God is incomplete and therefore not honoring Him. That's where I derive my opinion of marriage being priority one in God's eyes.
This theory of mine is not the cure all for the marriage relationship, but it puts the priority on the foundation of marriage. The marriage should be the most important relationship in a husband and wife's life. Friends, parents, children, work, entertainment, (and possible God) should not be put between or ahead of the relationship. And it is imperative that there is no divorce option. When the thought or threat of divorce lingers, the marriage is on shaky ground. One of the best metaphors I've heard for the marriage relationship is the husband and wife are locked together in a house with no key to the doors, the windows are all barred up, and there is no way out! Your stuck with you spouse of choice forever! You can spend time apart in other rooms, but you can not leave the house. When this mentallity is accepted by both the husband and the wife, then the realization of a life of misery turns into the modivation to work together towards happiness rather than work together for the escape route. You can no more disclaim you spouse than you can your child, they're yours forever. That's "becoming one flesh." That's God's plan for marriage! That's the foundational plan of marriage that will honor God, produce emotionally healthy happy children, and cultivate a relationship that's capable of receiving God's blessings of love, passion, intimacy, security, and respect. And the foundation is crutial, but it's just the beginning.
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I have to comment on this one. I respect Greg's opinion and I agree that the marriage relationship comes first. I think it needs to cultivated daily and that both people should put forth effort in making it number one. It is hard to do sometimes with jobs, family and children but it is a must. I will say that Greg is my best friend and my husband. I thank God for that every day. I think that it takes having that relationship with Jesus Christ to make it that important to us. I think without Jesus, we would be too selfish or distracted to put forth the effort. Greg's parents gave us a throw when we were married and it has a poem on it. It says, " It Takes Three To Be Complete." I believe that with my whole heart. I love the throw and I still have it out in my house. I am a very blessed person and every blessing in my life has come through my walk with Jesus (including the biggest blessing: my husband and children.)
I do agree, from my point of view, that it is hard to put God above my marriage. It is just as hard to put my marriage above my children though. I want it to be where it should but struggle with the correct teachings...placement for lack of better words. I have been learning lately from others that it is the commitment...marriage...that is to keep two people together, but the love "feeling" can come and go during marriage. Meaning one day you think you love your spouse with all your heart and the next day you do want to be apart. Do you find this to be true statements that I am hearing? I love your example on how marriage is, locked in a house. I also never put in to perspective of like children, we can not ever walk away from them. Therefor, with that thought in our mind at all times, maybe there could be trust and comfort in marriages. I look at that as a foundation for a marriage. Please correct me if I am wrong. I say that only because the love "feeling" can come and go, but the trust and comfort should always be there.
I think there are many different degrees of "love." Like for example, the love we feel during the first months-years of the courtship part of a relationship, that feeling that almost renders the individuals useless. If that feeling wouldn't diminish with time, we'd all be out of a job.
I wish I knew what brought the waves of love through a marriage, but I do agree that there are times when I want to run away with my wife, both of us alone together forever. Then there are those times that I just want to run away. These emotions and their origins are such a mystery to me that I sometimes feel love is no more than a gift from God. A gift He dishes out according to His good will. But to give all the responsibilty to God for the love in a marriage is to breed complacency, so I think we need to put "feet" on our prayers (so to speak).
One thing that has helped me understand the needs and desires of my wife, is the fact that I have a daughter. I read that every woman still has the need to be loved, feel safe, and told she is pretty the same way she did when she was 6 years-old. When my daughter hears that she's pretty, she glows and skips off with a smile on her face. Those childhood "needs" don't go away. So the same logic must hold true for the husband. But instead of the hyper 6 year-old boy, I think more of the awkward 12 year-old boy with low self-esteem and even less confidence. The type of boys who look at the floor when spoken to. I think this boy is trapped in every man as well, and a wife's love and more importantly respect for him is the key to unlocking his joy!
I'm sure there are people saying that "my husband (or wife) is too rude and selfish to have these feelings of inadequacy." But I would say that their actions and personality might just be the result of these "needs" left unresolved.
But I can write all day and not cover the truth of one verse of scripture:
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Eph 5:33)
Dude you are good! Keep up the good work! :)
I agree when you say the foundation of marriage should be the number one priority. I also believe that from your statistic on divorce in america that half the marriages do not feel the same way.
When you build anything free standing, is it not the foundation that will pretty much determine the life span of your work? With the exception of natures forces. Should marriage in a way be looked upon with that same sort of design? I know that the drawings and plans all come from the same architect. From what you have said in your writings and from what I have read in your quotings from the bible. I feel that even though we all may not follow god's plan for building the proper foundation, we must learn upon our past mistakes and be willing to rebuild that foundation. I can say with 100% positivity that i have not followed the drawings to specifications. I also know that no matter how many arguments I have had with my contractor over how it should or shouldnt be done, the one thing that remains true is that I have been blessed with the perfect contractor for me.
Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain....
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call....
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear...
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light...
The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love.
May God fill your day with blessings!!
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle
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